How To Romanticize The Airport
I am asking. That is a question.
I write to you while sitting at the world-renowned Harry Reid Airport in beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada!
I wrote that through metaphorical clenched teeth. If my fingers had teeth, they would have been clenched while I typed that. Picture my fingers with a forced smile and an eye twitching. Now stop picturing that because it’s freaking me out and I dont want you thinking about my fingers.
I hate this airport. If I could permanently close one airport in the United States, it would be this one. Why, when I got off my flight from Portland, did I enter the bathroom stall to find the floor covered in almonds? Not just a couple mistakenly shaken out of a trail mix bag being poorly kept in someone’s jacket pocket, but a whole layer of almonds nearly covering the tile, setting me up for a Looney Tunes-style slip and fall right there in Harry Reid Airport bathroom. All of this is happening while “Let Me Love You” by Ne-Yo seeps through my (obviously not) noise-cancelling over-ear headphones that I am wearing to make my experience here somewhat more enjoyable, desperately.
Imagine me, trying to have a moment of solitude in my stall, playing my lovely little playlist full of what I like to call my “elevator music”, Ne-Yo seeps through, and I am looking down at hundreds of almonds. Oh my god, get me out of here.
Aforementioned Elevator Music:
Once I leave the bathroom stall, there is a woman waiting right there for me to leave. So classic. Like, come on! Let a girl completely remove her physical body from the stall before you get in there and get comfortable! Anyway, I see her look past me, then to the ground, then back up at me. I was actively trying to avoid her gaze of judgement, but somehow we locked eyes and I resorted to giving her a friendly smile that (I hope) said “That was not me. The almonds…they were there when I got in there! Oh, also there is no more toilet paper left but that isn’t my job”. I hope she understood that, alas, we will never know.
When I finally left the bathroom, I was met with one million strangers briskly walking towards me, which felt very similar to the stampede of buffalo in “The Lion King.” I was Mufasa about to meet my untimely demise. Why are there so many people here???? Seriously, someone has got to do something about the density of human beings in the Las Vegas airport; it is getting out of control (I say this while I sit in gate A5 surrounded by absolutely no one. Whole gate to myself).
I feel lucky to have found my little spot by the window that also has an outlet that I am actively using to charge my laptop so I can write this enthralling story for you, whoever you are, my sweet, sweet reader.
I had to get this Las Vegas airport hate out of my system because I could feel it turning me evil inside, and I needed to come back down to earth.
Thanks for that, you keep me grounded <3
Oh, also, I can see that massive sphere from here. That is so dumb. What else do you think they could have spent that money on? So many important things, probably.
Anywho, goodbye for now.
XOXO
Ayden