Opinion Peace
Something came to me in a daydream the other day, or was it a daymare...does that even exist?
I just posted a little intro blurb that took me THREE DAYS to write and edit, (shoutout to all of my perfectionists out there, nothing will ever be enough!) and I am already starting to write something new. I realized that I am treating this newsletter as my personal group chat. Although it’s nothing like a group chat right now, I believe that It will be one day. Manifest ur dreams everyone!! Even if that dream is to have the biggest group chat in the world!! You can achieve anything!!
One thing about me is I love a damn group chat. Put me in a space where I can shoot off one million text messages to an audience of my friends and/or family, and I am in my element. (P.S. Let the record show that I have beef with iMessage for only allowing me to add a certain number of people to group chats and preventing me from succeeding at that goal. Do better iMessage!)
Speaking of “do better” I was recently told by an angry ex-friend of mine to “do better”. After going through the mental gymnastics that was figuring out how I could have possibly negatively influenced this person’s opinion of me so much that she felt the need to tell me to “do better”, I became increasingly inspired to create the topic of this post. I am not here to write about group chats, even though thus far I have only typed out group chat-related content, and I am not here to write about my ex-friend’s choice of final words, I am here to write about opinions.
I came up with the main idea for “Opinion Peace” while driving home from work the other day. I couldn’t tell you why this idea came to me (I have the memory of an anxiety-ridden insect for things like this), but all I can remember is driving a little too fast on the very narrow and winding roads that make up the hills of Southwest Portland, and having an idea strike me. In that moment I also thought about how I have always admired people who jot down their ideas or record them on their voice memos app, and how I have never been that person. Deep down I aspire to be, which is why I recorded this voice memo making the first step to becoming a real idea recorder.
You all better revel in this because nobody but me has heard this audio…how vulnerable of you Ayden Meyer! Anyway, this is the moment inspiration struck. I have tossed it around in my head for the past few days trying to decide what I want to talk about related to this idea, and I fear if I do not narrow it down then it will become something much bigger than intended. So! Today I am just going to talk about how opinions have been a big part of my life lately, how that has been affecting me, and what I envision Opinion Peace to be as a general newsletter theme.
Recently I moved out of a house that I had lived in for the past two years and moved into a new apartment with a friend of mine. This has been one of those transitional periods where you feel like you have to watch every single tarot card reading on TikTok to convince yourself that you are on the right path and everything will work out fine. I created parasocial relationships with those tarot card readers. “How do they know my life like this?” I would think to myself as I pressed a finger down on the right-hand corner of my phone to play the video at 2x speed because apparently, I cannot be bothered to watch the video at the speed that it was intended to be watched. Strangers on the internet telling me that everything would work out combined with endless phone calls to my Mom literally saved me during this time period. You may be wondering, “Ayden, why were you freaking the f out?”. Good Q.
Moving out of my old house was an extreme shock to my nervous system. Instead of molding my life to the people that I was living with and having my social circle be extremely intertwined with my home life, I was now living like a normal independent adult who had to make time outside of her home to see the people that she cared about. This meant not only having more time alone but also, for me at least, this was prime time to find myself again. Here is where the “opinion peace” part of the story comes in.
For so long, 730 days to be exact, I was watching myself from an aerial view. Making sure that I was able to correctly project myself to the people I was constantly around to make sure that they not only liked me but also actually wanted to be around me. I stayed true to myself as much as I could, but when you live in a home with so many people, things get muddled. Sometimes it felt like such an overbearing hierarchical system that there was no point in going against the monarchy or else you would be jailed. Jailed in a metaphorical way which to me meant being shunned or treated differently or left in the dust. To some, this may seem like a dramatic retelling, and to some extent, it is, but it feels like the best way to explain how I felt at the time. Somehow something ate away at my confidence like a dumb little corrosive fungus. Munching on the strong parts of my brain that made metrust myself and exposing them to the elements. This brought on a terrible sickness; a big heavy fear of expressing my own opinions that I apparently already harbored inside. As much as I love to gab my little mouth away, my brain was constantly running over scripts and rules and what to do and what to say to make sure not to perk up the ears of those listening. Obviously this was fairly unavoidable considering I lived in such close quarters with so many people, but I tried my best.
It’s funny because I am sure if you asked most people who know me they would argue that I don’t have an issue expressing my opinions. I would tell them that they are correct, but only in certain instances. I will always bark back at a man who says some small-brained shit to me or my friends at a bar, or challenge someone who tries to take away the chance for me to stand up for myself and speak my mind in conflict. This is more about those mundane opinions, those under-the-surface ones that affect you more than you let on. The opinions that define who you are and if someone says that they are wrong, it feels like you are being slowly crushed by one of those hydraulic presses on those satisfying video compilations (petition to get Ayden off of the internet oh my god).
Opinions are a no-bullshit example of you, and this is why they are so special. Sure, there are plenty of situations where people’s opinions are inherently wrong and flat-out offensive, but I am not trying to get into the nitty-gritty of things like that. This is more music taste related, or what decor style you like, or whether or not you care to do the dishes before you go to bed. These are all things that people have grown to prefer from living their lives and having certain experiences. I pride myself on having a circle of people in my life who have a wide range of opinions on things and make my life even more full because of it. Some of my best friends have introduced me to their opinions and have allowed me to find my new favorite shows and movies, the bagel shop location that has the absolute best vibes in the whole city, and the best morning routine to wake myself up and not despise the act of opening my eyes and shutting my alarm off at 6:45 am. I cherish these differing opinions because they not only help me understand the people in my life more, but they help me grow! If you were paying attention to my last post, I am allllll about growing girl.
In this Opinion Peace newsletter, I just wanted to figure out what Opinion Peace means to me and explain it as much as I can to you. I am excited to go a little deeper into my own opinions and get more comfortable with sharing them here and in the world and everywhere in between. Opinions #rule ! ! !
I have officially wasted a whole workday writing this so I hope it was WORTH IT (It was so worth it).
TTYL QTs
<3 Ayden <3
Best bagel spot is spielmans on division, no?